Why Do We Need Body Confidence?
- Technically speaking a third of the population is overweight (That’s over a hundred million people)
- The media loves to make fat people the funny friend, not the sexy friend. Media will also make us seem gross and unlovable
- Supermarkets try to sell us gross “diet food” full of chemicals
- Doctors will lecture us about “the fat”
- When you google “how to feel good naked” all you get is diet tips
Internalized Fat Phobia makes you miserable
When you internalize these messages, it makes it easy for us to assume we deserve to be treated poorly or worse yet, that you deserve an unsatisfying sex life because you’re fat. You are here. You are Human. You deserve respect and dignity, regardless of how “sexy” you are. Mainstream good looks are not the tax you pay for existing in the world. Unfortunately not everyone agrees and protecting yourself is your job.
Interestingly enough, research also suggests that one of the most potent cures for negative body image is sex itself. People who feel erotically fulfilled rate themselves as physically beautiful whether or not they measure up to the ‘ideal’. Passion, positively experienced, turns body hate to body love.
You’re denying yourself pleasure by holding back
As hard as it can be to open up to someone, it’s even harder when you feel desperate to hide part of yourself, particularly in the bedroom. Studies show that shame and anxiety about one’s body lead to the avoidance of physical closeness and reduced sexual satisfaction.
If you’re preoccupied with your body you’re not focusing on pleasure. if you’re thinking, Is my stomach sticking out? Has he noticed the cellulite on my butt? You obviously won’t be focusing on his desires or yours, or be present in the moment. It’s like having a third, unwelcome person in the room: you, your lover, and your insecurity. How fun can that be? Unless you’re into humiliation!
- You do not have to accept bad treatment in order to get love, attention, or sex
- You do not have to put yourself at physical risk for love, attention, or sex
- You do not have to agree to anything that hurts you emotionally
- anyone who uses love to manipulate you into doing something that hurts you is abusing you and violating your trust.
- Listen to your gut
- You are allowed to have standards
- You are allowed to want what you want
White Tank Top Exercise
- Wear a white tank for ten minutes a day and just look at your body
- Our “imperfections” are what make us unique, interesting, and beautiful
- If you can feel sexy in a tank top you can feel sexy in anything
- If you look in the mirror and think that you look ugly, replace that with a neutral observation: “I have red hair.” Hopefully a positive will come eventually, but if a neutral place is all you can reach that’s good too!
No Quick Fix
- You didn’t learn to hate yourself in a single day or year and you won’t learn to love yourself in a day either. Don’t put time restraints on yourself.
- You could have a thousand people clamoring for your attention and if you don’t feel sexy you won’t buy it.
- Notice how you judge other people’s looks. Try to be more compassionate in your thoughts. You’ll train yourself to be nicer to yourself.Try finding something to compliment in every single person you see. You don’t actually have to compliment them (but you never know who really needs to hear it)
- Fake it until you make it.
- Don’t be afraid to say what you want
- Never apologize for your body. Here’s are two great posts about accepting yourself.
- Accept compliments (Learn to just say thanks)
- Ask yourself “if”- If someone else were in my position would I make them feel negatively?